Still Here

We are still here at the hospital. After a few days of IV antibiotics her chest x ray came back a little bit worse. So now they are starting another type of medicine. From a Mom's perspective she is doing better - most of the time. It seems like she can be feeling great and then all of a sudden out of nowhere she goes downhill. This morning after her chest x ray she was curled up in a ball in the wheelchair crying- it was so sad. Then after a shower she was great, nearly running down the hall. Then this afternoon she took another turn for the worse. She is napping now, which will hopefully help her feel better.

I love my girlie so much. This time I have with her alone is very precious to me (although I wish the circumstances were better). I told her someday when she was as old as I am she wouldn't remember it all but I would never forget.

Some of things I hope I remember about this time is her desire to have me near. I am so often NOT a "good mom" (whatever that is- at any given moment) so when she wants me to cuddle in bed with her and this is a comfort to her I am glad. I hope I remember and can always remind her how brave she has been through this all. When she turned five and had to get shots she FREAKED out- I mean really freaked out, I couldn't even hold her. So for her to get an IV was a big deal. She was really scared but she held still and didn't even really cry. Yesterday and today the medicine they put into her IV really hurt (burns) and she gets so scared about it coming but she is doing well. I love that she wants to watch everything that is happening around her and to her. The nurses and lab techs keep trying to get her to not watch when they stick her with a needle but she wants to watch and I think this helps her (she is probably a control freak like her mama).

Well girlie, maybe someday you'll read this. I hope you know that I love you so very much and I'll always be here for you.