My dear friend Jonalee shots some photos of Jedidiah for me. Enjoy.
Thanks Jonalee, they are great!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Expectations
Thanks Beth for finding the reference for the quote I posted below. It was from one of my favorite blogs.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Expectations
In this season, with a new baby and 3 needy children, I am reminded again that I cannot accomplish what I want to. I don't get what I want, from children who don't complain to a house that is organized and clean, it just isn't going to happen. I was cleaning my desk today and came across this quote that really served me. Unfortunately I'm not sure who said it or wrote it since I didn't write a reference on the index card. Anyway, here it is:
"My pride drives my expectations. I deserve... My arrogance and sense of entitlement inflates my expectations of what I should get today, what he should bestow. O Heart, do not make the dangerous shift to expectations. Remember, He owes me nothing. I owe Him everything."
If you happen to know who said or wrote this please let me know.
"My pride drives my expectations. I deserve... My arrogance and sense of entitlement inflates my expectations of what I should get today, what he should bestow. O Heart, do not make the dangerous shift to expectations. Remember, He owes me nothing. I owe Him everything."
If you happen to know who said or wrote this please let me know.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Love & Boredom
I listened to this very interesting radio broadcast and thought it worthy of sharing.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Lots of Love
Our little guy is getting lots of love here at home. He is very much adored by his two sisters and his brother. Karis & Jotham were very excited for his arrival but I am surprised at how much Cia is loving her little brother. I don't have any good photos but she is always trying to give him kisses whenever he is within reach.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Birth Story
For anyone who is interested (and more for the sake of my own memory) here are the details of Jedidiah's birth. In the days leading up to his birth I had lots of different emotions about the whole thing. I was sad when I thought about having another c-section (because my previous experience was so yucky). After meeting with some ladies on Sunday and setting my heart more on the Lord I was in total faith for a c-section, reminded that Jedidiah's birth was God ordained and was the best for us.
In the morning as I met with the Lord, before going to the hospital, I read Luke 11:9-10,13 "And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened....If you then, who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
As I read this the prayer of my heart was, "I trust you Lord, you know my desires for this birth but more than anything I want to dwell in your Spirit through it all." My faith was set on him and I found such comfort there.
We arrived at the hospital, checked in, several nurses we met said, "Oh if you are going to have a version, Dr. Shrout is the one to do it." This was encouraging but I still really expected to have a c-section. We met Dr. Shrout, who we had not met before, and we started to think that maybe the version might be possible. After getting fluids and an epidural it was time to start. All these people came into the room, a few nurses, two doctors, I'm not even sure who. Dr. Shrout started pushing on his head, which was up against my rib and told the other doctor to push/hold the butt which was sort of sitting of hip with his legs hanging down into my cervix. After, no joke, 1 1/2 minutes they were done. It was pretty painful BUT it was so quick. They stopped and I expected them to start again. The doctor said, "That's it, he's turned." I thought, "That's it! I can't believe it." They began monitoring him and checked him on the sonogram and everything was okay. They put a binder around my belly so he wouldn't move back and then they slowly started pitocin.
The next very exciting thing that happened was them breaking my water. They did this pretty soon after the version so that he would stay head down. When the doctor broke my water she was shocked at how much water came out. It was basically 2 liters of fluid. The nurse said she'd never seen more than 1 liter. I guess this is a condition called polyhydramnios. Anyway, it was very funny at the time as more and more water kept coming out and they kept sucking it up. Around this time, my blood pressure dropped and I started feeling pretty sick and Jedi's heart rate went down. Both Erik & I thought we might be heading for a c-section but again in God's kindness everything worked out. I eventually needed some medicine to get my blood pressure stable and I felt much better after that.
After this, things went pretty slowly. I got to 4 cm and then stopped progressing. They gave me more pitocin and I got to 5 cm and then stopped progressing. Then they put an internal monitor on my uterus to see if I was having enough contraction and then they gave me more pitocin. After this things went very quickly. Contractions started coming hard and strong and after about 45 minutes to an hours I was pushing. Pushing was intense and hard, he was face up and really twisted around inside but it was only about 20 minutes. I'm a total wimp and was saying, "I can't do it..." But he is here and we are so thankful for all the prayers prayed on our behalf and most especially to our Lord who amazed us in giving us more than we imagined.
Jedidiah, we are over-joyed to have you here with us and amazed at God's kindness in ordaining you to be apart of our family. We can't wait to learn more about you and find out who God made you to be.
In the morning as I met with the Lord, before going to the hospital, I read Luke 11:9-10,13 "And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened....If you then, who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
As I read this the prayer of my heart was, "I trust you Lord, you know my desires for this birth but more than anything I want to dwell in your Spirit through it all." My faith was set on him and I found such comfort there.
We arrived at the hospital, checked in, several nurses we met said, "Oh if you are going to have a version, Dr. Shrout is the one to do it." This was encouraging but I still really expected to have a c-section. We met Dr. Shrout, who we had not met before, and we started to think that maybe the version might be possible. After getting fluids and an epidural it was time to start. All these people came into the room, a few nurses, two doctors, I'm not even sure who. Dr. Shrout started pushing on his head, which was up against my rib and told the other doctor to push/hold the butt which was sort of sitting of hip with his legs hanging down into my cervix. After, no joke, 1 1/2 minutes they were done. It was pretty painful BUT it was so quick. They stopped and I expected them to start again. The doctor said, "That's it, he's turned." I thought, "That's it! I can't believe it." They began monitoring him and checked him on the sonogram and everything was okay. They put a binder around my belly so he wouldn't move back and then they slowly started pitocin.
The next very exciting thing that happened was them breaking my water. They did this pretty soon after the version so that he would stay head down. When the doctor broke my water she was shocked at how much water came out. It was basically 2 liters of fluid. The nurse said she'd never seen more than 1 liter. I guess this is a condition called polyhydramnios. Anyway, it was very funny at the time as more and more water kept coming out and they kept sucking it up. Around this time, my blood pressure dropped and I started feeling pretty sick and Jedi's heart rate went down. Both Erik & I thought we might be heading for a c-section but again in God's kindness everything worked out. I eventually needed some medicine to get my blood pressure stable and I felt much better after that.
After this, things went pretty slowly. I got to 4 cm and then stopped progressing. They gave me more pitocin and I got to 5 cm and then stopped progressing. Then they put an internal monitor on my uterus to see if I was having enough contraction and then they gave me more pitocin. After this things went very quickly. Contractions started coming hard and strong and after about 45 minutes to an hours I was pushing. Pushing was intense and hard, he was face up and really twisted around inside but it was only about 20 minutes. I'm a total wimp and was saying, "I can't do it..." But he is here and we are so thankful for all the prayers prayed on our behalf and most especially to our Lord who amazed us in giving us more than we imagined.
Jedidiah, we are over-joyed to have you here with us and amazed at God's kindness in ordaining you to be apart of our family. We can't wait to learn more about you and find out who God made you to be.
Jedidiah Anton
Jedidiah Anton was born yesterday at 4:19 pm. In God's amazing kindness, he was born without a C-Section. We are loving every bit of him. I'll write more later.
Thank you for your prayers. 
Thank you for your prayers.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Psalm 16
I have long loved Psalms 16:5-6 but this morning was really ministered to by whole psalm in its entirety. I copied it below and highlighted some of the verses that stand out with some thoughts below.
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
In this season where my circumstances are unclear my hearts needs to be set on my God. It is in him that I find my heart glad. No matter what the outcome of Erik's health or our son's birth, God has not and will not abandon us. He has made known to us the most important thing through his son, Jesus. He has given us life in him and it is in his presence that there is the fullness of joy. How true I find this to be. When I am tempted to think about my circumstances I can become anxious and easily fall into self-pity but when I focus on the Lord, remember his goodness and kindness toward me in all things my heart is at peace.
Truly, Lord, I have no good apart from you.
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
In this season where my circumstances are unclear my hearts needs to be set on my God. It is in him that I find my heart glad. No matter what the outcome of Erik's health or our son's birth, God has not and will not abandon us. He has made known to us the most important thing through his son, Jesus. He has given us life in him and it is in his presence that there is the fullness of joy. How true I find this to be. When I am tempted to think about my circumstances I can become anxious and easily fall into self-pity but when I focus on the Lord, remember his goodness and kindness toward me in all things my heart is at peace.
Truly, Lord, I have no good apart from you.
The Results...
Unfortunately are inconclusive. Basically this means the 5 biopsies the doctor took came back negative for cancer, infection and tuberculosis. It also probably means the doctor wasn't able to reach the exact spot, which we knew was a possibility. The doctor is hopeful that it is just an "insidious infection." He wants to try to hit it harder with antibiotics for 4 to 6 weeks and then do another CAT scan.
Though the last two rounds of antibiotics for 10 days each made Erik pretty sick (he couldn't really eat) we are planning on going this route because the only other real option is the evasive surgery which would require 3 to 4 days in the hospital with 4 to 6 weeks recovery. Because of Jedidiah's pending arrival we wouldn't be able to do this for several weeks anyway. We are hoping and praying that after the weeks of antibiotics the CAT scan would be clear. He will start the antibiotics in a few day, when I get home from the hospital. We are also seeking a second opinion.
In the meantime, please pray for God to continue to sustain Erik through this treatment and that if a next step is necessary God would guide us in the right direction.
Though the last two rounds of antibiotics for 10 days each made Erik pretty sick (he couldn't really eat) we are planning on going this route because the only other real option is the evasive surgery which would require 3 to 4 days in the hospital with 4 to 6 weeks recovery. Because of Jedidiah's pending arrival we wouldn't be able to do this for several weeks anyway. We are hoping and praying that after the weeks of antibiotics the CAT scan would be clear. He will start the antibiotics in a few day, when I get home from the hospital. We are also seeking a second opinion.
In the meantime, please pray for God to continue to sustain Erik through this treatment and that if a next step is necessary God would guide us in the right direction.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Cuter Every Day
I just find this little guy to be getting cuter every day. This was a mini snowman my Mom made for him when we in NJ over Christmas- he really liked it.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Update
We were hoping to hear the results from Erik's bronchoscopy today but unfortunately the holiday mid-week held them up. Hopefully, we'll be able to hear something on Monday. We'd continued prayer that the result would be conclusive and further surgery won't be necessary.
I did have an OB visit today and Jedidiah, our little man, is still breech. After discussing the various options with our doctor and praying we have decided to try an external version (turning the baby). If this is successful then they will immediately start inducing labor (because babies often turn right back to breech). If turning him is not successful (50% chance- either way) then they will do a c-section. Our hope to avoid having another c-section, since my first experience with one was not very pleasant and since having two means that future children will have to be born via c-section. All of this is scheduled for Tuesday. We'd love your prayers that the little guy would turn on his own and none of this will be necessary. I'd also love your prayers for my heart to rejoice in whatever method God uses to bless us with our little one. It is tempting for me to think about all the procedures that have to be done to me and especially tempting knowing that more c-sections might be in my future.
We know his grace is sustaining us and guiding us. A wise and dear friend emailed me these words of encouragement:
It has always been of curious interest to me how the Lord often allows our great battles to take place when we are weak. How often I have wished that He would withhold some fight for when I feel stronger. Yet, I can look back and see His grace standing out so clearly----because I am SURE that it was not my strength of soul that brought me through. He seems to have you in such a place. And I will pray for your encouragement and for your faith---as you have much to trust Him for. And yet it is always right to trust Him.
I did have an OB visit today and Jedidiah, our little man, is still breech. After discussing the various options with our doctor and praying we have decided to try an external version (turning the baby). If this is successful then they will immediately start inducing labor (because babies often turn right back to breech). If turning him is not successful (50% chance- either way) then they will do a c-section. Our hope to avoid having another c-section, since my first experience with one was not very pleasant and since having two means that future children will have to be born via c-section. All of this is scheduled for Tuesday. We'd love your prayers that the little guy would turn on his own and none of this will be necessary. I'd also love your prayers for my heart to rejoice in whatever method God uses to bless us with our little one. It is tempting for me to think about all the procedures that have to be done to me and especially tempting knowing that more c-sections might be in my future.
We know his grace is sustaining us and guiding us. A wise and dear friend emailed me these words of encouragement:
It has always been of curious interest to me how the Lord often allows our great battles to take place when we are weak. How often I have wished that He would withhold some fight for when I feel stronger. Yet, I can look back and see His grace standing out so clearly----because I am SURE that it was not my strength of soul that brought me through. He seems to have you in such a place. And I will pray for your encouragement and for your faith---as you have much to trust Him for. And yet it is always right to trust Him.
