Willing Savior

I've been meditating the last few days on my unbelief toward God in the midst of temptation. I'm realizing that deep in my heart I view God as a harsh taskmaster and Christ as a begrudging savior. And yet this is totally opposed to everything the Bible teaches. Even in the old testament where there is a strong emphasis on God's law the true picture that is shown is of a God who is in constant pursuit of his children always trying to bring them back to himself. The pattern of people turning away from God, God revealing to them their need for him though discipline, their turning back and God pouring out his mercy is repeated over and over. Lamentations 3:22 says, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end" We named our daughter Mercia Anew so we could be reminded of this truth, God pours out his mercy over and over to us in new ways.

So why am I tempted to believe these lies about my God and Savior? Maybe because I forget that God is nothing like I am. I am that hard taskmaster to those around (my children, husband, friends). Holding up a standard that I can't even keep and then scorning those who fall short. And I am begrudging to those who need help. When my children ask me for the 10th time for juice I am not joyfully getting up to fill that cup one more time. I am thinking why do I have to do this again. THIS IS NOT CHRIST. He is NOT standing far off waiting for me to fall and then saying, "There you go again, you need help - again. I guess I'll forgive you of that sin again. I did have die for you- don't forget I made a great sacrifice for you." He does not hold salvation over my head gloating. He is anything but this.

Jesus WILLINGLY laid down his life for me. No one took his life from him, he laid it down (John 10:18). Begrudge is defined as to give with reluctance. Jesus does not give with reluctance. He gives freely to all, over and over and over again. He seeks out what is lost so that he can restore it. We are his children and it is in love that he seeks us out.

So when I am tempted toward unbelief I need to be reminded that God is a kind and gentle Father who loves me and desires good things for me. That even in the midst of my unbelief he is lovingly calling me to him, saying "Jerusha, trust me. Put your faith in what is true and good, not in circumstances around you." I need to remember that I do not have a begrudging, reluctant Savior- that is not Jesus. I have a Savior who is delighted that he can save me, He more than willingly gave up all for me so that I might have all in Him. Oh- how good He is!